he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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