she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
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