I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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