whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize