At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
