got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
And the cops told us we were all naked.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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