There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
