Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
