ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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