I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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