I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
