now i know why i became what i already was.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
