So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
