You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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