Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
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