I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
