am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
