He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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