So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
