My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
My vagina just recognized that song.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
