I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
