pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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