You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
