My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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