I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
