My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Randomize
