I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Everything about him screamed your future.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
