I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
