She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
