? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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