i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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