Tell her she can't have a vagina
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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