I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
