I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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