good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
