So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
