sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
