My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
