I was born with a shot glass in my hand
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
