just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Brb crying the tears of my youth
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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