I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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