Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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