i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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