Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
