my soul wont recognize me after tonight
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
