i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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