Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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