Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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