I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
