Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
