Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Don't make out with my wife yet
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
