she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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