Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
