She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
