I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
