I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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