please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
How many fucks given?
0.12846
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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