Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm eating all of the evidence.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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