You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
