I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
