Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
