She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
