just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Mom said you looked used
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
and you fell through a lawn chair
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
