So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
