I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
