yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
