at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
