I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
