Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Randomize
