Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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