Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize