Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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