Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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