I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
