I am midnight drunk by noon
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
