Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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