are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
