I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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