you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
