Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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