I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
