and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
