My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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