He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
