so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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