apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
